Body Image and Eating Disorders

I’m going to share a little bit about myself, this is what happened to me and I hope you all can learn a little something from it.

When I was 16 I became bulimic, 

Bulimia nervosa is an eating disorder characterised by binge eating and purging, or consuming a large amount of food in a short amount of time followed by an attempt to rid oneself of the food consumed (purging), typically by vomiting, abusing a laxative, diuretic, or stimulant, and/or excessive exercise, because of an extensive concern for body weight.^[1]

it was brought on by stress, seeing other women and comparing myself to them thinking I was fat and they were so thin and fit and I really wanted to be like them. I would at times no eat at all and other times binge eat then make myself throw up or “purge" to make myself feel better like I was cleaning my body of all the “fattening foods" I just consumed. 

It was a nightmare, all day every day all I could think about was how much I should or shouldn’t eat, where the nearest toilet was if I did eat anything and how to purge without letting anyone know. I was depressed and sad but I would never let anyone know how I truly felt. I kept everything to myself and even when others found out and tried to help they went about it the wrong way which only made things worse for me. I know they did what they did and said the things they said because they wanted to help but they really had no idea what they were doing which didn’t help at all. It was eating away at me slowly but surely, I felt miserable all the time and when I did smile it was only to mask the pain and depression I felt inside.

Finally 2 years later my parents found out and during a visit my dad sat me down and gave me the best talk I ever had. He told me I was beautiful the way I was and that they loved me more than anything and what I was doing to myself was nothing more than slowly killing myself. I honestly never thought that what I as doing was ruining my body, all I wanted was to be skinny and this seemed like the best and quickest way to do it. Having my dad tell me that I was killing myself and what that would do to them and the rest of my siblings scared the crap out of me. I’m the oldest of 9 kids, I didn’t want my younger brothers and sisters following my example and ruining theirs lives because I was so stupid and selfish. 

That was the day I decided enough was enough, I had to recover. It wasn’t an easy road and it took over a year to finally get back to a somewhat normal state of mind, even now I have to be careful, yes I am a model/actress and I’m still around people who worry about how they look and how much they weigh or what they will or will not eat but I have to be strong, and not let anything get to me. I can’t let myself go crazy because there is always a 50/50 chance of relapsing and I will not let that happen.

I eat what I want and for the most part I keep to a plan of lots of veggies and fruits and healthy meals 5-6 days a week and 1 cheat day where I can have junk food and not feel bad about it. I also workout 5-6 days a week for 60-90 minutes and with the workouts I do my body needs the energy and fuel from food otherwise I wouldn’t be able to. 

The key is always MODERATION, yes I can have chocolate, yes I can have pizza and spaghetti but I always remember to just eat enough to satisfy my craving and never overdo it, of course during the time I’m PMSing I usually want more carbs and chocolate so I make sure I allow myself the extra treat here and there so no one gets hurt :P 

I know it’s hard for young girls or anyone really to deal with eating disorders, I can understand how you feel, why you feel that way and what it does to you because I’ve been there. I went through the same thing I want to help. If you’re going through or suffering from an eating disorder and need someone to talk then I’m here. I know what it’s like to be pitied and judged and yelled at and I know that is the wrong way and usually just ends up making everything even worse.

Also when friends make smart ass comments or jokes about me being anorexic, you guys are horrible people and I don’t want to call you friends because you have no manners and have no idea what it feels like so before you decide to make some stupid joke about an eating disorder I suggest you think about it very very well. I’ve let a few people off because they’re just plain idiots and I could care less what they think but if anyone jokes about it around me one more time they’re going to get a piece of my mind.

If someone close to you or someone you know is going through this don’t judge them and don’t pity them and for heavens sake don’t make jokes about it. You can be the one who helps them through this, tell them they are beautiful, build them up, reassure them, don’t make jokes about eating disorders, it’s a serious problem and not something to be taken lightly. Be there for them, be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, all they need is lots of love and encouragement and support. Do some research about it so you have a better understanding of what it is, how it happens and if need be seek medical or professional help. 

I don’t wish this on anyone, having been there and suffered and gone through hell and back, it’s a tough road and if I can help anyone recover then I would gladly do it. I’m here if anyone needs to talk. My heart goes out to anyone with an ED and always will.