Dear Diary: December 28, 2016

Dear Diary, 

Today is my last operating flight of 2016 (read this carefully so you don't confuse last flight of the year with last flight of my career) YYZ-DXB EK242. It's been a very interesting year for me to say the least, I met the man of my dreams which in itself made this year amazing. I never thought i would meet someone who would truly understand me, who could read me so well and who accepts me and loves me unconditionally, yet I did and some days I feel I don't deserve him and his amazingness (that's not a word I know). You go through life wondering what true love actually is, wondering if it really exists, if you'll ever find someone who makes you feel safe emotionally, mentally and physically. I found someone who does all that and more and I'm beyond happy. 

This year I have come to learn more about myself and grew as a person. I have learnt that it's ok to have emotions, it's ok to not be ok, it's ok to let yourself cry and that the only way to deal with the past is to bring it all up and deal with it face to face. You can only run and hide for so long. You can try distract yourself with work, with hobbies, with frivolous activities, but the past will always be there and you will need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it or you can continue to run but I got tired of running. Having someone to help you through it all is what will make it easier. 

I learned to love again. To truly let my guard down and just let myself love. It's not easy, it's a scary thing to do but I figured life is short and there's no point in having the wall up anymore. My family all know how I was and so I got plenty of jokes from them when they found out. It's a territory I haven't been on in a long long time, I get scared, I get jealous, I get angry. I'm only human. I'm also a volatile mix of Thai and Irish cray cray so there's that to worry about haha. In all seriousness though, as scary and unsure of this emotional stuff is I wouldn't change a thing. 

I've traveled the world and seen so many places this year as well, I've reconnected with friends and family all over the world, tried new foods, met and worked with so many cool and interesting people. My job is amazing, my life is amazing, I am truly beyond blessed. No matter what happened in the past I will not let it affect my life now or my happiness. This year has come and gone so fast I can't believe there's only 3 days left and it's 2017. I'm looking forward to everything next year brings. 

~ C.L.